Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Silence, a Hug

Advice from the writer Dana Jennings, in his cancer blog at http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/03/15/with-cancer-lets-face-it-words-are-inadequate/
"...Words can just be inadequate. And as we stumble and trip toward trying to say the right and true thing, we often reach for the nearest rotted-out cliché for support. Better to say nothing, and offer the gift of your presence, than to utter bankrupt bromides.
Silences make us squirm. But when I was sickest, most numbed by my treatment, it was more than healing to bask in a friend’s compassionate silence, to receive and give a hug, to be sustained by a genuine smile. ... "

I've heard other cancer patients say the same thing.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Good Blog to Use

Do you know someone with cancer, pregnancy complications or a serious injury?
A blog is a good way to keep a lot of people informed. Unlike email, they can visit it if they want to.
It can also save your family from having to keep giving updates themselves - repeating the same info over and over.

I recommend  http://www.caringbridge.org/
It's free and very easy to use and automatically offers an option to receive emails or text messages with updates.
My own blog there is at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mdwaring/journal
I also have a Blogger version of that blog, which is geared toward Buddhists.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Mel's Recipe for Healing Tea

Mel made this tea for two nuns, who found it very healing.
It's very nice to make tea for a sick friend and deliver it to them. Even better if you stay and chat while they drink it.


The recipe

1 tsp black pepper corns
1 tsp Cardamon seeds
1 tsp cloves
2 sticks cinnamon
1 inch x inch piece of ginger peeled and thinly sliced.
1 black tea bag
8 cups of water

Grind the pepper corns, and cardamon seeds together.
Add to boiling water.
Add cloves, cinnamon, and ginger. simmer for 45 mins.
Add the tea bag for one minute at the end and then remove.
Strain and serve.

You can take this concentrate and heat with either water, milk, soy......
and sugar or honey. How ever you like it. It can be 50/ 50 concentrate or more or less depending on how you like it.
You can also add it to latte style milks frothy style.

I recited Medicine Buddha mantras while making that batch.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

A List of Basic Do's and Don'ts

Good tips from the American Cancer Society's downloadable document "When Someone You Know Has Cancer"
http://www.cancer.org/acs/groups/cid/documents/webcontent/002943-pdf
(For the do's and don't's list Scroll down to page 10,)


Do:
· Take your cues from the person with cancer. Some people are very private while
others will openly talk about their illness. Respect the person's need to share or their
need for privacy.
· Let them know you care.
· Respect their decisions about how the cancer will be treated, even if you disagree.
· Include the person in usual projects or social events. Let them be the one to tell you if
the commitment is too much to manage.
· Listen without always feeling that you have to respond. Sometimes a caring listener is
what the person needs the most.
· Expect the person with cancer to have good days and bad days, emotionally and
physically.
· Keep your relationship as normal and balanced as possible. Greater patience and
compassion are called for during times like these, and your friend or colleague should
continue to respect your feelings, as you respect his or her feelings.
· Offer to help in concrete, specific ways.

Don't:
· Offer advice they don't ask for, or be judgmental.
· Feel you must put up with serious displays of temper or mood swings. You shouldn't
accept disruptive or abusive behavior just because someone is ill.
· Take things too personally. It's normal for the person with cancer to be quieter than
usual, to need time alone, and to be angry at times.
· Be afraid to talk about the illness.
· Always feel you have to talk about cancer. The person with cancer may enjoy
conversations that don't involve the illness.
· Be afraid to hug or touch your friend if that was a part of your friendship before the
illness.
· Be patronizing. (Try not to use a "How sick are you today?" tone when asking how
the person is doing.)
· Tell the person with cancer, "I can imagine how you must feel," because you really
can't.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Links to Ideas about Helping Someone Who's Sick

I can't say I agree with everything in these sites - haven't had time to thoroughly check these out - but they're worth reading and thinking about.

from WikiHow
http://www.wikihow.com/Help-a-Really-Sick-Friend-or-Relative

Ladies Home Journal
http://www.lhj.com/relationships/friendships/10-tips-for-helping-a-sick-friend/

US News piece
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/255075/tips_on_helping_a_sick_friend.html

Favorite Funny Movies

Despicable Me - animated, funny, nice story, good moral, kid-friendly, nun-approved, G-rated


Monty Python dead parrot sketch - here on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npjOSLCR2hE
Monty Python ministry of silly walks sketch - here on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqhlQfXUk7w


Fawlty Towers


Waking Ned Devine
Airplane!
Jerry Maguire
My Cousin Vinny (good East Coast humor)
Meet the Parents
Meet the Fockers
Pirate Radio (great music)
Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
The Darjeeling Limited
Garden State (very New Jersey)
As Good as It Gets


Some are heartwarming funny, some funny.


***
Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle 
Super Troopers


***
Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn in Bringing up Baby


***
Waiting for Guffman
This is Spinal Tap
Tracey Ullman
Wanda Sykes HBO Stand up sho "I'm a Be Me" this is new and I have never laughed harder ever in my life, seriously. Very therapuetic.
Arrested Development Seasons 1 and 2. This is the funniest TV show I have ever watched.
Of course Young Frakenstein, Blazing saddles


***
The Royal Tennenbaums (big time favorite)
I Love You Man (hilarious)
The Jerk (old school fav)
Ferris Bueller's Day Off (old school fav)
Elf (never seen it but one of my best friends loves it)
Zoolander (one of my all time favorites -- so stupid but so funny)
Forgetting Sarah Marshall (kinda gross but kinda funny too)
The Office (tv show -- I like the American version cause I have never seen the British version)
Flight of the Chonchords (tv show -- first season is the only funny season)


***
all time favorites for us are Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Back to the Future


***
Another really great favorite is Little Miss Sunshine.  If you haven't seen it you really must.  We recently saw Date Night and laughed a lot. 


***
Groundhog Day
Amelie


Also, my friends and I adore these 2 series.  The first seasons are available on DVD and therefore can be rented.  The current season’s shows can also be downloaded off of Amazon before they are put on DVD’s.  The writing in both shows is super clever:
Glee
Modern Family


***
Mary and Max is one of the best funny films I have seen in a long time. It just came out on video.  
Scott Pilgrim is a funny movie- it's in the theatres right now.
We have been rewatching arrested development which in my mind is pure genius. 


***
Freebie and the Bean
Bizarre Bizarre
Slapstick
Robin Hood: Men in Tights, Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, ...
Airplane
Buster Keaton: The General, The Navigator, College, ...
WC Fields: The Bank Dick, International House, Poppy, ...
Clerks, Mall Rats, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Clerks 2
Time Bandits, Baron Münchhausen, Brothers Grimm, Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus, Brazil
8 Women
Wallace and Gromit
Castle of Cagliostro
Happiness of the Katakuris


I guess I'm not so good at distinguishing laughter from cringing, or perhaps I like them mixed.


***
We recently watched Cold Souls which has a dry but funny concept and execution.  
Last spring we watched Burn After Reading and found it quite funny in a bitter, Cohen Brothers kind of way.  Perhaps not exactly The Hangover but pretty good.


***
Office Space
Idiocracy
Funny Bones (not laugh out loud, but lovely)
Christopher Guest movies - Best in Show, For Your Consideration, A Mighty Wind
Little Miss Sunshine 
The Princess Bride
I heart Huckabees
The Beginning - Ellen Degeneres (her stand-up is so much funnier than anything else she's ever done)
Here and Now - Ellen Degeneres (laugh out loud HBO special)
30 Rock (TV show - 4 seasons on DVD)
Dr. Strangelove - holds up very well - I still find it to be very funny.
Planes, Trains and Automobiles
Anchorman
Elf (toward Christmas time)
Kung Fu Hustle
Fargo
Being John Malkovich
Delicatessan
The Simpsons Movie (if you're a fan)


Hope you have a lot of laughs.


***

Meet the Spartans
O Brother Where Art Thou?
Zombieland
The Gods Must Be Crazy
The Full Monty
Get Shorty
Little Miss Sunshine
There’s Something About Mary
Despicable Me
Yes Man
Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle
Keeping Mum
Super Bad


***
Office Space
Idiocracy
Funny Bones (not laugh out loud, but lovely)
Christopher Guest movies - Best in Show, For Your Consideration, A Mighty Wind
Little Miss Sunshine 
The Princess Bride
I heart Huckabees
The Beginning - Ellen Degeneres (her stand-up is so much funnier than anything else she's ever done)
Here and Now - Ellen Degeneres (laugh out loud HBO special)
30 Rock (TV show - 4 seasons on DVD)
Dr. Strangelove - holds up very well - I still find it to be very funny.
Planes, Trains and Automobiles
Anchorman
Elf (toward Christmas time)
Kung Fu Hustle
Fargo
Being John Malkovich
Delicatessan
The Simpsons Movie (if you're a fan)


Hope you have a lot of laughs.