A List of Basic Do's and Don'ts

Good tips from the American Cancer Society's downloadable document "When Someone You Know Has Cancer"
http://www.cancer.org/acs/groups/cid/documents/webcontent/002943-pdf
(For the do's and don't's list Scroll down to page 10,)


Do:
· Take your cues from the person with cancer. Some people are very private while
others will openly talk about their illness. Respect the person's need to share or their
need for privacy.
· Let them know you care.
· Respect their decisions about how the cancer will be treated, even if you disagree.
· Include the person in usual projects or social events. Let them be the one to tell you if
the commitment is too much to manage.
· Listen without always feeling that you have to respond. Sometimes a caring listener is
what the person needs the most.
· Expect the person with cancer to have good days and bad days, emotionally and
physically.
· Keep your relationship as normal and balanced as possible. Greater patience and
compassion are called for during times like these, and your friend or colleague should
continue to respect your feelings, as you respect his or her feelings.
· Offer to help in concrete, specific ways.

Don't:
· Offer advice they don't ask for, or be judgmental.
· Feel you must put up with serious displays of temper or mood swings. You shouldn't
accept disruptive or abusive behavior just because someone is ill.
· Take things too personally. It's normal for the person with cancer to be quieter than
usual, to need time alone, and to be angry at times.
· Be afraid to talk about the illness.
· Always feel you have to talk about cancer. The person with cancer may enjoy
conversations that don't involve the illness.
· Be afraid to hug or touch your friend if that was a part of your friendship before the
illness.
· Be patronizing. (Try not to use a "How sick are you today?" tone when asking how
the person is doing.)
· Tell the person with cancer, "I can imagine how you must feel," because you really
can't.